Saturday, January 3, 2015

Good - Bye 2014

Good-Bye 2014

Goodbye 2014, though I was just getting used to you. 

I was beginning to get comfortable in the everyday, per usual moments of my days and weeks. The familiar patterns that slowly took shape and became my life through the year; and NOT shockingly, I found myself liking that rut I found myself in. Frankly I was getting so used to the mundane I seldom wanting to brake out of it. I was beginning to prefer to just stay home.

And then, and most thankfully, in rolled 2015.

I am excited for that. I could have curled up and died in 2014 in that humdrum place I was calling my life. How did all of the enthusiasm I had in the beginning of 2014 drain from my life? I am seriously clueless on that point. 

And that is why I am so Thankfully 2015 is offering me a clean slate. The future, so far, is looking very bright and I am looking forward to making my mark. 

Thank goodness God promises a new day, everyday. I had forgotten that, though I think I read it everyday on Facebook or I remind SOMEONE ELSE of that nugget daily.

Isn't it always easier to remind someone else of those little nuggets of truth than to remember them for yourself?

Yea, I know it is!

So thanks for exiting 2014 - and Hello 2015; And though I was on the edge of becoming a recluse, there were some milestones worth celebrating and days full of sadness that have changed me, for the better, not surprisingly, so I can't let 2014 get away that easy.

So I'll get started; I'll share a few teaching moments and down right triumphs of 2014.

It is so amazing to me (and everyone else I am sure) how quickly 365 days can fly by, and how at the end of that year of days, we look back and think, WOW, all of that happened? 

In 2014, I found in myself a courage I had no idea I was capable of, and was called upon to muster more than one time, each time proving harder and harder and almost all with a silver lining.

Bethany and Patch ....
2014 has developed in me a strength that could only have come from God, and has enabled me to reluctantly but thankfully give things up for the good of my team. The most life changing and saddest was giving up my Patch, though it was truly for her very best, and my piece of mind. The space where she slept on the end of the bed still feels pretty empty; but I know her new parents gave her a new bed of her own, and that is even better.

She is living the Bulldog dream in Vermont with her new family now, and they love her so unconditionally. She is healthy and happy and thriving and that was my goal. I did the very best for her and I am so glad I did. You do what you have to for the ones you love. I would never have done it differently. Not ever.

That one event, surrendering Patch to a world where people can truly care for her unconditionally, (because bulldogs are not cheap to keep), has prepared me for 2015. The emotions I faced in that selfless act of saying so long to my dog have no words but built a strong resilience in me.

Loss of life and friends was great in 2014.

I lost a lot of friends that I never imagined would be gone in 2015. Friends my age and younger who should, by all accounts, still be here, but sadly have gone from this world. They range from a young girl I babysat when I was in my 20's to the heart throb of my Sophomore year in High School, (he was a senior, I wrote about him on my blog), to the suicide of Robin Williams. 

I'm not much of a Hollywood hound, but the loss of Robin was a ruff one. To realize that Robin felt so down and out and unloved that he figured he would be better off not being part of this amazing life saddens me. It has sparked in me a love for the lost and lonely. NO one should ever feel that way, and I hope in someway, in the days ahead, I can give someone some glimmer of hope that feelings don't always stay the same and tomorrow will be a better day.  That is a prayer I have for myself to help other, in some minute way, to save themselves. There is too much to live for and everyone is important; I am sure God has heard me.

 Those losses and so many more were so very unexpected and have made me realize that we only have this one day - so we need to live it fully and joyfully, connecting and remembering and loving as many people as we can, because, we just never know. I learned that we do need to live intentionally, making sure we tell people how we feel about them and that they do matter, because it could be the last chance any of us has. And that is a terribly empty feeling.

I never want it to ever be too late to tell someone I care for them, not ever again. I was too late with too many that I lost in 2014, and regret is something I am determined to leave behind in 2015. 

Thanks for the new beginning 2015.

Of course I had some happy notes with one being my graduation from college and getting my Bachelors degree in Human Services. It took me six years of struggles and doubts, of wanting to quit, of fighting sickness and not feeling good and so many other mountains, but I did it. And my graduation was one of my best days of 2014. 

I started writing again in 2014 and it ignited in me stories I had forgotten and new ones I am weaving daily. I love writing, the words are healing and uplifting and reveal a person that I didn't even know was in me, and I am glad I am learning to trust those who read my words as well. It allows me to be candid with my life, because some of it is not so pretty (but I made it), and that makes it worth sharing. My theory is this; If I can help one person, in any way with my words, then those words were well worth writing. 

I am triumphantly celebrating five years of being TOTALLY ON MY OWN, and learning to trust in God more than any time in my life. And I can say, my life has never been better. He supplies all of my needs every single day, with never too much and never too little and it is always right on time. He is a constant companion and to little by little move from divorce and sickness, to having to resign from my job with NO clue how I would live, to a clearer plan for my future, that is God. He is the maker of ways when there seems to be no way, and I plan on sticking with him. 

I turned 50. I sit and think about that number and the 50 years I have lived to such a crescendo year and think, sadly and too often, If I HAD ONLY LISTENED to ... and I can fill in the blank with a number of people. The good news is, I still have a chance to listen to some of those same people and that is a benefit to me, and they love the fact that I am listening. 

Maybe the desire for "elder knowledge" comes with turning 50? Maybe it comes with realizing that people really do have great hearts full of love who want to help you and only have your best intentions in mind. I know one thing now at 50; I need loving, supportive people around me who believe in what I believe in. A positive attitude from other is going to make all the difference in what I will become in the future. With age comes wisdom, that is true, and I wouldn't trade the last 50 years for anything. The knowledge I have gained is priceless; it's worth its weight in gold, and well worth sharing.

I have made amazing new friends and have become a better one to those I already had, guarding my heart in the process. In doing so I think I have some of the best friends I have ever had in my life and that simple fact, true friendship with others, is a rose among thorns on my worst day.

And mostly I have learned to just trust God. He has it all in control. He is so much smarter than me! I have been given 50 year and now, one more new year to set into motion the plans God has given to me. They are so big, I know that they are not of  my making and I give all the glory to him. 

2015 is going to be my very best year ever; and I see success above all the turmoil that might come my way.  I am looking forward to sharing it. 

I am setting no limits on myself; mostly I am not setting limits on God.

i cannot wait to see just how amazing God makes it. 

By the end of this year, I am sure I won't be feeling like crawling up in a ball and dying. 

I have way too much to look forward to. I am ready, now, for all of the spontaneous things that I am sure will appear in 2015. 

Here is to a SUPER amazing 2015 and walking out all of God's plans for me. It going to be AMAZING.

What will your 2015 look like?