Fare-Well Words To a Stand-Up Guy

When I heard the news of Mark's passing, so many thoughts of him rushed through my mind. 

And I cried a lot of tears. 

And then I wrote this for him. 

Mark was a great friend to so - so many people in Gowanda, and I don't think there is a single person in our whole community who didn't know him. 

We went to school together. I was a few grades behind him and he was the guy SO many girls had a crush on; and lets not forget that HOT car of his. ALWAYS shinny Black with the red interior; WOW, classy just like he was, sitting in that driver's seat. He was as nice and kind as he was classy, with a brilliant smile and the personality to match; Mark was the whole package. Gentleman, joker, friend, and someone you could really have a sit down talk with if you really needed to. I remember he did always listen.

And he always remembered you, no matter how long it had been. The last time I saw him was actually in August at Palm Gardens at separate class reunion parties. We got to say hello and we talked just for a second and gave each other a hug and an "I'll see ya later."  

I got to see that great smile of his; And then he was gone.

That last chance meeting, to me, was not a coincidence, and I believe the Lord gave us that one last memory, for this time right now. It is burned in my mind and will be a favorite memory of him, for me, forever now.

I luckily have had the pleasure of knowing his whole family for longer than I can remember. I am friends with his two sisters Sandy and Sherry, and I know his older brother Randy and his parents. His wife of so many years Sherry, who I also went to school with, and I introduced myself to his daughter Loren yesterday. What a beautiful young lady you are Loren. I know this must be terribly difficult for you. Just know that your dad loved you so very much, unconditionally I am sure, and you can keep that in your heart forever.he

And to the other family members I met yesterday, it was nice to meet you too. 

And, for those of us who were there in the 90's, we all had a blast together at those  "door-burner" parties and the for "no-reason-at-all-parties." We all laughed till we cried and thoroughly enjoyed our time together at those parties. TO THE FULLEST, and sometimes for days on end. They were the best of times!  

I met some of the best friends I have in my life at those parties, and having to see you here for this has been one of the most heart wrenching things I have ever had to experienced in my life. Sharing the loss of such a stand - up guy is not easy.

I do know this; Mark loved the Lord, and enjoyed his church family. I know he enjoyed singing with his mom and dad and his sister Sandy in the choir. 

I do know that he never wavered from the wonderful classy guy I knew in school and later in my adulthood. 

And most of all, I do know he is now where so many of us long to be, in Heaven, and he will be there to greet us as we enter there.  I know he is there with his son Colton and so many others so many of us have lost this year, and what an amazing day it will be when we are all together again. 

As for my tears in my humanness, they are for all of the people I have lost this year and how many I  DID NOT tell that I loved them, or even took the time to spend just one hour with them. It is moments like this, saying so-long to such a wonderful person, a Class-Act like Mark, that made me decide to make changes in my life. If people are in our lives, we need to take the time. God gave us these people for a reason. I think Mark would want us to make sure that the people we love, know it, without a doubt. 

So to close on this day of celebrating Mark's life and those of us who have had the pleasure of sharing parts of that life with him ... tell those you love, that you love them today. Spend time with the one's closest to you today, and be grateful and thankful for the blessings in your life right now; because today is all we have, no one knows what tomorrow will bring. And we cannot afford to leave words of love left unsaid.

I love all of my friends who are here in this room today, and new ones I may make. And I really believe Mark would not want us to be sad, but celebrate what an amazing man, friend, father, son, brother and husband he was, who lived life to the fullest and I believe loved everyone he knew with the greatest love a friend could offer. 

He will be greatly missed here in this town, and in so many lives for a very long time.

Through the Tears

I am writing tonight through tears, and foggy glasses, because in the last 21 days I have had to make some big changes in my life and accept some losses that I never imagined I would have to reconcile. 

But, as life has it's way with me, these things have brought me to tears, and the realization that even though most times, change is very, very good, I still have to wade through all of the pain and regret of those choices. 

I just sometimes don't understand what is happening, and most times, there is a good reason for that. 

In Ecclesiastes 3:1 it says "there is a time and a PURPOSE for everything under heaven," today I believe that with all of my heart and know God is not a liar, and trust his word, even though I do not understand it.

I thought I was getting better at loosing loved ones in my life. My dog Patch, for instance, who was the apple of my eye and who I thought I would have with me forever, is now living in Vermont and will be living with her new family by the end of the week. I am over joyed with that fact. I am so overwhelmed with the love that the Vermont English Bulldog Rescue has given her, along with a new family in just a week, I know it came directly from God. 

But I will never get to see her "in the flesh" or pet her again. This arrangement is like a closed adoption. No physical contact. No long visit. No walks around the yard. She is no longer mine. She is going to be the amazing Bulldog Patch to a family that will be able to support her physically, emotionally and financially for the rest of her life. I could not ask for more than that, because I couldn't do it. 

But I still can't help but miss her. I still can't help but say "Oh if only I could have done ..." Well, I couldn't or I would have. And what I did for her is what any loving parent of an animal or a child does, gives them a better life, a better chance with more opportunities. 

That is what I did for her. I think I am writing to write away my regret and my guilt because her eyes are in danger and she had an ear infection and a tail pocket infection and I wasn't aware of them. I feel so guilty I couldn't care for her better, but now someone else can and WANTS too ... that is what I can be thankful for. That God provided these amazing women from out of the blue to take her, FLY her to Vermont, and get her into ship shape for her second journey in her Bulldog life. 

That is what makes the sadness go away; that is what makes me know I did the right thing. Seeing new pictures of her with white eyes instead of red and sore. No itchy tail and no sore ears, knowing she is not in pain, anywhere anymore, that makes it worth the loss of her. Within the week she will be in a new loving home where she is going to have a new little girl that will be her friend for the next leg of her journey. Those are the things that make this all worth it.

That is what makes this pain and the tears OK ... because these people are going to love her just as much as I do. And I can always keep in touch with her through Vermont English Bulldog Rescue. 

I am looking forward to sending her a Christmas package!

And the rest of my tears are for my friend Mark Wing who a whole community lost this past week-end.  I don't think there is a single person in our whole community who didn't know him. 

We went to school together. He was older than me but he was the guy every girl from 9 -12 grade had a crush on. He was a nice guy with a brilliant smile and personality to match; the whole package. Gentleman, joker, and someone you could really have a sit down talk with if you really needed to. I always remember he did listen. And he always remembered you, no matter how long it had been. The last time I saw him was actually in August at our combined class reunion. I got to say hello and we talked just for a second and we got to give each other a hug and an "I'll see ya later." Plus I got to see that smile.

This to me was not a coincidence and I believe the Lord gave us that one last memory, for this time right now. It is burned in my mind, forever.

I ended up, luckily, knowing his whole family. I am friends with his two sisters and I know his older brother too. We enjoyed "door-burner" parties and for "no reason at all parties" and we laughed and enjoyed our time together. I met some of the best friends I have in my life now at some of those parties, and having to see them later on this week at his funeral is going to be heart wrenching to say the least. 

I do know he loved the Lord, and enjoyed his church family and singing with his mom and dad in the Choir. I do know he is now where I know so many of us long to be, and he will be there to greet us as we enter Heaven.  I know he is there with his son Colton and my friend Bonnie and my Mom, and they are going to be waiting for us to get there. What a day to look forward too.

I guess my tears are for all of the people I have lost this year and how many I didn't tell that I loved them, or even took the time to spend just one hour with them, so I am going to make changes to make that different now.  If they are in our lives, we owe it to them and to ourselves to be present, don't you agree?

So to close ... Remember this today ... tell those you love, that you love them today. Spend time with the one's closest to you today, and be grateful and thankful for the blessing in your life right now because today is all we have, no one knows what tomorrow will bring. I love all of you who are reading this, my friends, my readers, my few "fans." Remember to have an amazing day and call someone and tell them you love them ... because we just never know. 

My tears are gone now, I have somehow written them away, and laid on some hearts to make a call or tell that someone how much you do love them. We just never know, and none of us want it to be too late, do we?

.

Saying So Long to My Lil' Miss Lucky Patch

Patch

Patch was my pick of the litter. 

My chosen Bulldog puppy; the one I waited patiently for for several weeks until on New Years Eve 2008 she arrived, along with the rest of the litter.

There were eight babies all together, all born weak and a little sick, with no guarantee anyone would make it through the night; so we took the news and waited. 

By the end of the week four babies had died, and what remained were three boys and one girl. The little girl, being Patch. She would come home with me at  8 weeks and I was so excited to be getting her time could not go fast enough. 

She came home to me weighting about 5 pounds, fit as a fiddle, and happy and playful as a little lamb, ready to meet her dad, Marshall, who also adored her. And the rest is history so they say. 

She fit right in. 

Patch has been with me ever since; she is my closest and dearest companion. A friend and a part of my family that I thought I would always have with me; but my plans are futile; because there is something greater in the works for both of us now. 

Patch staying warm on this chilly autumn day

Because at noon tomorrow,  Patch will be moving away to Vermont, to live a fun, new adventure with other Bulldogs and homemade food from her new kitchen. For Lil' Miss Lucky Patch ( that is her registered name) her adventure in traveling on an airplane begins.

And together, tomorrow, we start a new adventure.  And getting ready for it has been emotional in ways I haven't felt in a very long time. And the tears have appeared more than once this week.

We will both be starting a new life without each other and that will be a little scary because we have never been without each other. I pray she loves it in Vermont with her new family and keeps eating, she will need to stay strong. I am sure she will love her new menu. Rice, veggies, chicken and fruit. Yea, she will like it.

Waiting at the door 

I pray I find my strength and no fear and keep my appetite as I begin a new life without her; At the end of my bed hogging all the blankets and snoring like a sailor. I pray I can sleep without her? I hope I adjust quickly to not taking her out to run around and do her duty and kick her back feet up in great victory on a job well done!

I guess time will tell. 

She is beautiful and loyal and happy and always loves me and Bethany; and I am making one of the most difficult decisions I have ever had to make concerning one of my animals. But only because I cannot care for her like I should anymore, and she deserves the very best I can provide for her.
 

Bethany and Patch ... Best Friends

In doing this, I really thought I would be dealing with some regret concerning the move, and frankly, this has been one of the best decisions I have made for her. She will be outside running and playing with other bulldogs in the next 24 to 48 hours. 

I could not ask for more for her. I think she will be in Bulldog heaven.

I did feel a little regret the other day, until my friend told me the only way I could be a trader to her is if I DIDN'T take care of her and get her to someplace that will care for her. So I refuse to look back on this decision, as often as I feel my heart telling me "you don't have to do this." My heart knows I really do. 

This week we celebrated Patch instead. We got her to the vet for shots and had a bit of a photo bomb session in the back seat of the car and at the vet office and I pulled out all the pictures I could find of her and her family and I have put them in this blog post.

I have made a choice that has proven to test my heart, my faith and my love for my dog, and to share it with all of you and show how much we love her and how much I know she will be loved in Vermont.

 I can only say she is one of the LUCKIEST dogs ever.

Beth, Rhee and Patch in the tree

Like I said, I am not happy about letting her go, it is torture for me to do this.

To have had her since she was 6 weeks old, holding her, loving her, letting her sleep around my neck at night and steal my heart with her Bulldog beauty and charm; I am finding myself holding back my tears and chocking on my breath thinking about waking up and having her not at the end of my bed anymore. 

But that will pass ... she on the other hand gets her own NEW bed; How's that for Princess treatment.

Rambo is going to miss his dog, and I hope he gets big enough to take up at least half of her spot on the bed. They are the best of friends. They loved hanging out and eating grass together. Patch was the first animal Rambo bonded too when we found him, and he thinks he is a dog!

Patch and Rambo checking out the bushes

 
So yes, sending Patch off is causing real pain, physical and emotional. I feel it in my chest. It's the same kind of pain you feel from any loss. The loss of a marriage, the loss of your mother or the sadness you feel when after years of not talking to a friend you find out he has cancer and may only live a few more weeks. Emotions are painful. And even though Patch is on her way to a wonderful new world, I still hurt for me. 

And that is OK.

That is necessary.

It is all going to be OK.

Patch on her couch

I have found myself laying with her and praying for God comfort because His is the only comfort that will ease how I feel right now. It assures me that this is the best. This is the unselfish thing for me to do. And to not do it would be cruel.

I am surrendering Patch in this way because, well, because she is like my child, and she deserve the best with someone who will take her for walks and let her run in the grass and play ball with her.

She deserves, once in her life, to not be at the end of a leash and have the freedom to run and sniff and eat tall grass without me wondering if she is running into the road. 

She deserves to be healthy and free of allergies and eye problems and once she is in Vermont, that will happen for her.

And I am excited for Patch. She will hopefully one day be the bulldog on the end of someone else's bed, hogging their space, snoring like a sailor,  begging for treats and running like crazy in the yard to play ball. And if not, she will stay in Vermont with the Vermont Bulldog Rescue, where Dawna and her fine friends will embrace her and welcome her into their life and who I really know, without a shadow of a doubt, will love her just like I do. 

Bulldog love is a special kind of love; Dawna has that. 

Thank You Dawna ... This whole adventure is courtesy of an awesome God, for without my faith and knowing there was ONE person out there for Patch, I would have never found you. I have no doubt she will thrive with your care.

And So ...

Tomorrow our new adventures begin, without each other.

It will be a day we will not soon forget.

Here's to my girl Patch. I will miss you so very much.

(My heart is breaking).

All my love

Your Mom

Patch asleep on my bed ... one last night.
Sweet Dreams Patch.