Saturday, April 26, 2014

Special Days To Remember

Crooked Bridge, Virginia

What can I say about death except that it is a sure thing; Like breathing and birth and the setting of the sun. No matter how many times we encounter death, souls are shaken and someone vibrant and beneficial is suddenly gone from our life. 

And then what are we supposed to do without them? 

Death has taken from me some of the most wonderful people. Some by old age or illness, some by accidents and some, sadly, regrettably, by their own hand. BUT most left peacefully, as if they knew it was time to go and God had called them home.

The hardest deaths I have had to settle in my soul are the ones I have been present for; where no medicine or prayer or heroic act would spare them. They were just gone, and I was left with a painful - hallow feeling in the pit of my stomach; and no words could express the deepness of the loss. 

There are no words for those kinds of feelings.

The death of my Mom and My Great Aunt Grace are two of the most significant ones; and the days they left will forever be branded in my mind, because they left on days that were significant in mine. 

My Aunt passed away on my 36 birthday and my Mom on my wedding anniversary. 

My mom Betzi
Two days I will never forget. Two days that come around to remind me of the two most influential women in my life. Two days I make sure I celebrate because these women are worth remembering.

My mom left all us way too soon, she was only 65. We were becoming friend, finally, after all the years of me being a daughter of distance and way too much attitude sometimes. She would have said I was acting "too big for my britches," and she was probably right. We were finally sharing secrets and calling each other during the week and just dropping by to say hello, just to see if either needed anything. And then suddenly she was gone. 

In one deep, desperate breath, she left us. I was holding her hand when her spirit slipped away to Heaven. 

It was such a bitter sweet good -  bye. I will never, EVER, stop missing her. I am sure as I am of the sun shining tomorrow that she is sometimes watching me from Heaven, standing next to Jesus, saying, "There's my Amy ... I am so proud of her."  I cannot wait to hug her when I get to Heaven. I cannot wait to be with her for the rest of forever. I think I will have a very hard time letting her go. (Oh boy, these tears I have at this moment are warm and  emotional, its hard to see what I am writing)! 

My Great Aunt Grace, who was such a wonderful teacher in my life, left us all on my 36 Birthday. My mother and I were planning to take her with us to lunch to celebrate but instead, as circumstances played out, my mom found my Aunt laying on her kitchen floor with a broken hip, unable to move, unable to get to her phone, unable to get off the floor, slowly slipping away. My mom called the ambulance, which my Aunt protested loudly and with great debate I was told, and got her to the hospital for treatment. The doctor's found her hip shattered, inoperable, and because of that it was decided to make her comfortable and to spend as much time with her as was possible.
My very young Great Aunt Grace.

I spent my whole 36 Birthday with her. We talked about New York City and 911 and my trip to Ground Zero. We talked about her favorite flowers and her friends that had come to see her and how she was going to clean up her house when we got her home again. We talked about my sister and brother and what their future's held and how she missed them, and slowly, she began to to get tired. It was he second day in ICU, and I think she was just ready to go be with Jesus. He had been the focus of her life, along with all of her other Church responsibilities, and I think she knew she wasn't going back home; I think she knew her next stop was Heaven.

My mom was there with me and together we held her hands. My mom's sister called about then, and as she talked to my mom my Aunt began to slip away. My mom hung up the phone and ran to her side and as we stood there, silently, her spirit left, leaving her with a smile on her face. My mom and I looked at her, and then at each other and smiled. We somehow knew she had made it to her final destination.

I know Jesus was waiting for her, along with so many others. I know I will see her again with my mom, and I know if they do ever talk about me, they are proud of me, because I am a product of them; they were amazing influences on me and my life and I find myself thinking about what would they do when surrounded with life's drama?

That is the result of great influence I would have to admit.

Just writing this has caused more tears to flow than I was prepared for; They are tears of longing for my Aunt I think, just like the tears for Mom. 

My Birthday and my (un)anniversary will always be days to remember these two amazing women that helped shape me, I miss them more than words could ever express. 

Will I ever get over them being gone?  No, probably not, and that is OK,  because I would never want to forget them. They are the source of a lifetime of memories. Though bitter-sweet, those special days will keep them alive for me until the day we are together again. 

Their memories are priceless and keep me headed in the right direction, and I wouldn't trade them for anything, except, of course, one more day with each of them.