Sunday, May 4, 2014

Choosing Solitude

It was never my intention in life to live in solitude.

But fortunately,(or unfortunately as some may think), I am alone, and throughout the last five years I have become somewhat of a pro at it, although I do have dreams of it being different someday. 

Contrary to what many may think, solitude is not a lonely place and it has caused me to do more things on my own than I ever thought I would do. Honestly these new and different things have been slow in coming, but I am getting the hang of it. And I am enjoying it, and my interest are gaining momentum as the days pass.

I was literally thrust into singleness and solitude at a point in my life when I thought nothing would shake my foundation, and I should have never been so sure of my plans. And instead of reaching out to a stranger and starting another difficult and clumsy situation to deal with, (like I had so many times before) I made a conscious choice to do life on my own, on my own terms, in solitude no matter how broken and scared and worthless I felt. 

And I have made it, so far, simply by living one day at a time. And believing in myself.

It has not been easy. And without my faith in the Lord, without him lifting me up out of the pit I was in, I would not have had the consciousness to make it this far. There were days I functioned without thought, without aim, without reason.

Thank goodness I had a guide.

The only focus I had on many days was the focus to make it to work and to make it back home again. Somedays I felt I had blinders on. But daily my focus became wider until suddenly ...

I made it. 

It was five years ago in March; and today I am alive and strong and able to get a new chance every day. Everyday is a new beginning and I have found joy in that, even in solitude.

The alternative is not an option, even on my worst day.

I credit my niece and all of the people that love me for coming forward and reminding me that I am worth it and I need to make it; and not just for them but for me. 

We get but one chance at this life and I could not let circumstance get in the way of living. I had to be reminded that I am worth it - even in solitude.

Yes, solitude can be lonely, but only if you settle, its a choice one way or the other. I am doing a great job at making my solitude less lonely. 

Writing has helped so much, and the Lord and his promise of my New Life makes every moment of solitude one step closer to what HE has called me to do. 

Solitude created an atmosphere of hope to pass on to other's; and has created in me an ability to simply share a smile and His grace to help someone out of their pit. The reassuring fact that because I have been there, and I can help someone else find a silver lining, provides a joy and satisfaction for me that I can get by doing nothing else. I can help someone out of a place where I once was and that to me is success. It is proof that God didn't bring me through it to keep it to myself. 

Hope is a contagious thing; and mine has been blossoming in solitude. Sharing my hope and my experiences and being able to brightened a lonely person's day and remind them that they are important, to me, that is the MOST important thing in life.

Solitude is not a bad thing. It is a growing place, a nurturing place, a place to encourage myself so I can then encourage others. It creates hope; And maybe, just maybe, my hope will encourage others to pass on their new found hope and make it a gloriously contagious thing.