Monday, March 24, 2014

Change ... Boldly

Embrace change ... boldly.

Somehow though, no matter what the positive results might be in "changing," I seem to resist it more than is necessary. 

I resist it because change is unconformable and make me vulnerable and transparent, and it takes me from the predictable to the unexpected each day, to the possibility of something different; and then the resistance sets in, and then I have to remind myself that there is no progress without change. And I better just hang on; there is no standing still.

Even in my safe and almost predictable world.

Change, I have found, when embraced with enthusiasm can transform not only my life, but the world in which I am living in.

But am I ready for ALL of that?

Change causes resistance and is sometimes, most times, its not as easy as it seems it should be. It can be surprising and cause joy that I never thought possible, even in the smallest changes. 

Or it can be disturbing and unsettling - either way, something is going to be different in the end, for the good or the bad. 

I must say however, in my life anyway,  no matter the magnitude of grief or pain I have had to go through, at any time in my life, it has all turned out good, just as God had intended. Because his words are true. 

(Genesis 50:20 clearly states:
"As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive.)" 

I had to add that. 

Change can be as simple as a new paint color over an old dingy one, found in a dark forgotten room, in a house you have lived in for five years, or 50. 

Or it can be the announcement that spring has sprung and along with it longer days and bird songs filling the air in the morning; and knowing the cold of winter will soon be gone.

Or so that is how it is supposed to be anyway. 

Sometimes the monotony of something lingering longer than we are accustomed to can be just as frustrating as a decision that change is in order. The quicker the better, usually, but then hesitation sets in and ... nothing changes like we are expecting it to.

The change, for me, in my life, has been in my writing. It has suffered in the last week or two since I started pounding out words that make sense again, and discouragingly enough, they get stuck in my mind and do not exit my fingers.

After years of laying dormant somewhere in my mind I boldly awakened them, my words, my writing, so now what do I do with all of them?

Let's face it, when we want something to change, and literally say a prayer for it, its key to remember that we'd better be sure we really want what we are praying for; because once we get it, we will be responsible to follow through on it, because it was given with some responsibility attached to it.  

And that is how I got from praying, to where I am now, and my writing starting up again. 

I had been stuck and not feeling like I was going anywhere - quickly, so, one night, not so long ago, I prayed for my desire for writing to come back, because I had lost it somewhere in the years of business in my life. 

Out of the blue I stated feeling a longing and a desire to get lost in telling a story. My love of writing and telling stories goes way back to when I was a kid and it followed me into adulthood; with a plethora of journals to show for it.

But to pray for my desire to be rekindled - I needed to be sure I was ready for what that might entail.

I knew it would be a big change. A new commitment,  a huge time priority. 

I knew that when I prayed. 

And it came quicker than I had imagined; and I got what I asked for.

And yes, I am thankful for it ... so now what?

I have written more in the last two months than I have in over ten years, minus journal entries and comments on Facebook. The number of words that have flowed out of my fingers onto these pages is in the thousands and I see no letting up in the near future.

That is good news you say? It is if I can keep myself from beating myself up over getting stuck only two months in. Or, maybe, that isn't so unusual?

I have heard it said be careful what you pray for; hmmm, yes, be very careful.

The results have been surprising, even to me, because for a writer, when some stop writing for a long time, they think they can't write anymore. (well, at least I thought I couldn't). 

I had forgotten that it is like riding a bike or driving a car or painting a wall. 


It's actually pretty easy, and something you rarely forget. I think maybe for other's, like me, I pretended to forget so I wouldn't be responsible for doing what writers do; tell stories and weave dreams; make the bad guy pay for the wrong he has done and have the past teach you a lesson you won't soon forget.

I prayed for wisdom on what to write, and with prompts and trial after trial after trial ... the words started coming and they didn't stop for almost two months, and then I got snagged on some random thought; and I stopped. 

And that is when I remembered I prayed for this. 

I wanted to write again. I stared a blog, I actually have people reading my words and commenting and making connections and applauding my work; and it has been a wake up call, and I just can't walk away from it this time. 

Not only am I doing this for me now - I am doing it for people who are reading my words ... MY WORDS. Something I prayed for, something I wanted to share, something I am good at, and I have to keep going.

To keep on moving forward means I will produce words that I forgot were in my head, to put on a page for a chance to maybe change someone's life, or jar loose a memory for them that they had been looking for; and for one reason or another helps them write their best in weeks.

My stories have already found a common bond with one reader who said that I must have followed her around as a child because our childhood's were so much alike. It was in my post on Letting Go. I connected with someone with some of the most hurtful parts of my childhood and now we are connected. 

From words ... that is the magic in writing ... it is AMAZING!

That is what this writing is all about. Standing on the edge and not being afraid to go over; jump if you have to with no idea of what may lay at the bottom.

I don't know what my writing may do - but if I don't write it, if I don't reach out and share the dark and the uncomfortable along with the light and love, I feel like I am doing a disservice to those who are reading my words. 

So I am going to put my all into it and give them what I prayed for.

And in delivering those words, maybe I will set someone else free.

All this change talk prompted me to change my blog's appearance too.

It cleaner and more professional, maybe like I am seeing myself. To deliver something that is coming from my heart and my life and the depths of my memories that I was not aware of before now, memories that can suddenly be a story - in less time than it takes to bake a loaf of bread. 

Those are pretty good results.

Change... Boldly. 

Change - is my goal. Not just for me, but for everyone I share my inner most thoughts with.

Sometimes I have to do it with one eye open and pray, again, that there is healing in my words, somewhere, for someone.

Words that heal and sooth and validate the fact that somethings in life, sometimes the worst things in life, didn't just happen to me, but they happened to someone else too, who is reading my words, and they found them a soothing balm to a deep wound that they thought would never, ever heal. 

I hope that is what some of my words do. That was part of my prayer, to produce words that will heal and sooth and comfort and let other's know that "hey, I'm OK after all." 

My I write words that do that for those who need them.

Change, it can't be avoided. So face it boldly.

I believe it is one of the most important things we can do for ourselves. It's important that we don't get to comfortable where we are; so our lives and our thoughts don't get stagnant and old and unchangeable. None of us were created to be stiff-necked, and as members of the human race, I think we are all here to help one another, in every way we can. 

Change for me has caused movement and the revelation of writing words I never thought I was capable of. And I think with God granting me my prayer and lighting a fire under my writing, it will be blessed, and therefore will bless others.

Embracing change takes courage, do it anyway. Enjoy it, share it with other's. It is the one thing in life that can take your life from dull to dazzling in no time at all. The first step out over the edge is the hardest, and after that, it's a piece of cake.

So, it is my hope that my words help foster change in someone's life, and they change the course of their life forever, or at least gets them going in a different direction.

That would be a true blessing to me,  and worth every word I have written so far.